How to Identify Wife's Hatred.
Couples who have been together for a long time would confess that passion fades with time, no matter how eagerly both of you loved to jump on the bed at the initial stage of your relationship.
However, this doesn’t have to translate to an all-out boredom in bed, as couples are still expected to love having sex with each other, even if they have been together forever, says sex therapist, Dr. Brandy Engler.
Engler is of the view that boredom is more of an aversive state — like, ‘I’m not really feeling this at all.’
So, how can a man know when his woman has drifted into “I could not care less about sex” territory?
Watch for these five signs and learn how to win her back to the bedroom!
• She regularly goes to bed at a different time than you. Maybe she really doesn’t want to watch football with you. But there’s a more likely reason for her early bedtime: She’s aiming to avoid intimacy.
“She is trying not to be in bed at the same time as you,” says Engler. “Women talk about doing this on purpose.” Conversely, some women may linger in the living room until you’ve dozed off, with a similar goal of avoiding sex.
What to do: You could try initiating sex earlier, since she may just be frustrated with your late-night attempts at moving in on her. “When women are losing interest, men really need to have good seduction skills to lure them in,” says Engler.
You may also talk to her and let her know it’s okay if she currently has little motivation for sex. That way, she knows you don’t expect her to be hot instantly, and that you’re willing to work toward revving up her desire together.
• She wants to stick with one position during sex. An especially bad sign: She favours the move that she knows gets you off fastest. That means she wants it to be over quickly, says Engler.
As a psychologist and sex expert at Cornell University, Dr. Megan Fleming, puts it, “If she’s like, ‘Let’s not switch things up; let’s just do this and get done,’ she’s not interested in feeling more pleasure. It’s totally obligatory, going through the motions.”
What to do: If you’re running a one-position show, try adding an extra element of pleasure for her, suggests Engler. Hopefully, once she’s reminded how awesome her orgasm feels—and even the pleasure leading up to it—she’ll reengage in the experience. Or even better, guide her into a new position entirely—ideally, one that requires standing.
• When you offer to get her off, she declines. It’s one thing to decline giving you oral sex, since that can be a lot of work; but to refuse her own pleasure? That’s a bad sign.
“Having an orgasm—and the process it takes to get there—can be very sensual, relaxing, and connecting,” says Engler. If she doesn’t value those things—and would rather just sleep—your connection may no longer be strong enough to entice her into bed. This level of apathy may indicate a deeper issue: “Sometimes, there are other emotions loaded into boredom, like irritation, anger, and disappointment,” Engler explains.
What to do: She may sense that you’re offering an orgasm for your own personal ego boost—not because you really want to give her pleasure, says Fleming. So, before giving up, let her know you’re all about her. If she’s still not interested, bring it up outside the bedroom in the morning.
“Demonstrate curiosity about her experience of your sex life—something many men don’t do,” says Engler. “It’s an opportunity to see what’s going on in the relationship that might make her not want to connect.”
• She asks, ‘did you finish?’ before you actually did. Translation: “You’re lasting too long — let’s wrap things up!” A lot of guys think women want sex to last a long time — like 30 minutes or more, says Engler. But, the truth is, most women are totally cool with a 10-minute session; any longer, and they may start to lose their lubrication, which is just uncomfortable.
Half an hour may seem especially long to a woman who can’t climax during intercourse, Engler adds.
What to do: If you’re nowhere close to finishing, work on drawing her attention. Caress her face, and make intimate eye contact with her. “Connection is a huge turn-on for women,” says Fleming.
• She doesn’t want to be naked during sex. Apart from a rushed-and-raunchy quickie, a refusal to get totally nude can be a sign she’s not really interested in connecting with you.
If this is a consistent issue, she may just be body-conscious. It’s when she suddenly starts keeping her top on that you must worry about boredom.
What to do: “Use your words to be sort of commanding, but also pleasing — like Do this, oh that’s nice, now do this. When women feel desired, it incites their desire a little bit more,” says Engler..
However, this doesn’t have to translate to an all-out boredom in bed, as couples are still expected to love having sex with each other, even if they have been together forever, says sex therapist, Dr. Brandy Engler.
Engler is of the view that boredom is more of an aversive state — like, ‘I’m not really feeling this at all.’
Watch for these five signs and learn how to win her back to the bedroom!
• She regularly goes to bed at a different time than you. Maybe she really doesn’t want to watch football with you. But there’s a more likely reason for her early bedtime: She’s aiming to avoid intimacy.
“She is trying not to be in bed at the same time as you,” says Engler. “Women talk about doing this on purpose.” Conversely, some women may linger in the living room until you’ve dozed off, with a similar goal of avoiding sex.
What to do: You could try initiating sex earlier, since she may just be frustrated with your late-night attempts at moving in on her. “When women are losing interest, men really need to have good seduction skills to lure them in,” says Engler.
You may also talk to her and let her know it’s okay if she currently has little motivation for sex. That way, she knows you don’t expect her to be hot instantly, and that you’re willing to work toward revving up her desire together.
• She wants to stick with one position during sex. An especially bad sign: She favours the move that she knows gets you off fastest. That means she wants it to be over quickly, says Engler.
As a psychologist and sex expert at Cornell University, Dr. Megan Fleming, puts it, “If she’s like, ‘Let’s not switch things up; let’s just do this and get done,’ she’s not interested in feeling more pleasure. It’s totally obligatory, going through the motions.”
What to do: If you’re running a one-position show, try adding an extra element of pleasure for her, suggests Engler. Hopefully, once she’s reminded how awesome her orgasm feels—and even the pleasure leading up to it—she’ll reengage in the experience. Or even better, guide her into a new position entirely—ideally, one that requires standing.
• When you offer to get her off, she declines. It’s one thing to decline giving you oral sex, since that can be a lot of work; but to refuse her own pleasure? That’s a bad sign.
“Having an orgasm—and the process it takes to get there—can be very sensual, relaxing, and connecting,” says Engler. If she doesn’t value those things—and would rather just sleep—your connection may no longer be strong enough to entice her into bed. This level of apathy may indicate a deeper issue: “Sometimes, there are other emotions loaded into boredom, like irritation, anger, and disappointment,” Engler explains.
What to do: She may sense that you’re offering an orgasm for your own personal ego boost—not because you really want to give her pleasure, says Fleming. So, before giving up, let her know you’re all about her. If she’s still not interested, bring it up outside the bedroom in the morning.
“Demonstrate curiosity about her experience of your sex life—something many men don’t do,” says Engler. “It’s an opportunity to see what’s going on in the relationship that might make her not want to connect.”
• She asks, ‘did you finish?’ before you actually did. Translation: “You’re lasting too long — let’s wrap things up!” A lot of guys think women want sex to last a long time — like 30 minutes or more, says Engler. But, the truth is, most women are totally cool with a 10-minute session; any longer, and they may start to lose their lubrication, which is just uncomfortable.
Half an hour may seem especially long to a woman who can’t climax during intercourse, Engler adds.
What to do: If you’re nowhere close to finishing, work on drawing her attention. Caress her face, and make intimate eye contact with her. “Connection is a huge turn-on for women,” says Fleming.
• She doesn’t want to be naked during sex. Apart from a rushed-and-raunchy quickie, a refusal to get totally nude can be a sign she’s not really interested in connecting with you.
If this is a consistent issue, she may just be body-conscious. It’s when she suddenly starts keeping her top on that you must worry about boredom.
What to do: “Use your words to be sort of commanding, but also pleasing — like Do this, oh that’s nice, now do this. When women feel desired, it incites their desire a little bit more,” says Engler..
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